


finally safe to fall

by adabarbacarisi



Series: exchange fics [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, a story of a hesitant heart and a courageous one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-31
Updated: 2019-12-31
Packaged: 2021-02-24 16:40:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21881125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adabarbacarisi/pseuds/adabarbacarisi
Summary: Rafael loved fiercely and deeply, when he fell for someone he was as passionate and intense with that love as he was in his work. It seemed it was in his nature to be a little too much, a little too bold, for a lot of people. He had accepted that perhaps that world-changing, earth-shattering, heart-soaring kind of mutual love wasn’t in the cards for him.That is, until Sonny Carisi entered his life and changed everything.
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Series: exchange fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1850608
Comments: 21
Kudos: 70
Collections: Barisi Holiday Exchange 2019





	finally safe to fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BarbaLovesCarisi (CaptainAmericasShield)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainAmericasShield/gifts).



> Gift Exchange Prompt: Rafael Barba has all but completely given up on love. Sonny waltzes into his life, enthusiastic and eager to please. Rafael is hesitant, but realises maybe Sonny entered his life to prove love didn’t always have to end in pain. Title and lyrics are Halsey's Finally/Beautiful Stranger. Hope my giftee likes this, and happy new year everyone!

_“I've never recognised a purer face,_ _you stopped me in my tracks and put me right in my place._ _Used to think that loving meant a painful chase,_ _but you're right here now and I think you'll stay.”_

*******

Rafael Barba loved his mother, his friends how few they may have become as he grew older, and he loved his career despite how challenging and heart-wrenching it could be. Romantic love, however, had never been his strong suit. Heartbreak is a fact of life, yes, but it seemed to Rafael that a serious and long lasting relationship was something he may never get to have. Rafael loved fiercely and deeply, when he fell for someone he was as passionate and intense with that love as he was in his work. It seemed it was in his nature to be a little too much, a little too bold, for a lot of people. He had accepted that perhaps that world-changing, earth-shattering, heart-soaring kind of mutual love wasn’t in the cards for him.

That is, until Sonny Carisi entered his life and changed everything.

When the detective started at Manhattan's SVU he brought a new spark to the squadroom and - despite his initial moustached appearance - Rafael found himself looking forward to seeing him as time went on. He found his eagerness to please a promising trait and his intelligence was instantly attractive to Rafael, no matter how he enjoyed teasing the future lawyer. Rafael had always liked someone with a quick mind that could keep him on his toes and Sonny was that with the bonus of a handsome face, a good heart and kind eyes. 

Of course Rafael had found himself falling for the younger man, how could he not?

It took a long time for him to admit his feelings to himself, he wasn’t looking for it or expecting it so his romantic attraction to Sonny snuck up on him. Years of working together, going from colleagues to friends - when long evenings working on cases turned into friendly drinks and dinners when everything felt so easy and so right being together. Rafael found himself thinking about making one of those evenings a real date, where he could hold Sonny’s hand and walk through the city with him, kiss him goodnight at his door. 

That is when he knew, he wanted _to be with_ Sonny and not just sleep with him. Sexual attraction to the detective was a given, flirting and lingering eye contact was happily two sided. Rafael had been sure that if he had propositioned the other man that he would have had Sonny in his bed within hours, being fucked so perfectly that he would never want anyone else. And that was the problem, he knew he would get attached. Rafael had been scared he would get his heartbroken - unsure if the younger man was looking for something serious, worried that their positions at work would cause problems - and so he tried to keep himself emotionally safe by not acting on his feelings at all. A wrong move he later learned, but at the time his past experiences clouded his judgement.

Luckily for him Sonny also realised that he was falling in love around the same time, and he was prepared to be brave enough for the both of them.

*******

Late one morning after being debriefed on their newest case, Sonny falls into step beside the counselor as he leaves the squadroom. 

“Can I help you with something, detective?” asks Rafael, distracted by his phone and not looking at the other man. If he had he would have seen the determined confidence on the detective’s face as he geared up to ask the counselor to have dinner with him.

“Have dinner with me tonight? I want to cook for you at your place, I have a feeling your kitchen is a lot nicer than my own.” 

“Has Rollins finally got sick of you taking over her kitchen?”

“This would be nothing like that,” Sonny replies, rolling his eyes. “I’m asking you on a date, Rafael.” That stops Rafael in his tracks, hand stilling on his phone as he looks at Sonny in surprise. Sonny looks back at him softly and places a hand on Rafael’s arm.

“We’ve waited long enough, don’t you think?”

Rafael takes a deep breath, feeling something close to hopeful. “You’ve been waiting?”

“I always thought you’d make a move, then I thought I’d give you time to figure it out. I think we could be something, I think we could be amazing together.” A frown appears on Sonny’s handsome face, confidence falling away slightly. “Am I reading this wrong?”

Rafael takes a step closer to Sonny, lowering his voice as someone walks past them in the hallway. “No, clearly you can read me a lot better than I thought anyone could.” He smiles joyfully at Sonny and reaches out to touch his hand. “I’d love to have dinner with you.”

Sonny sighs in relief, squeezing Rafael’s hand. “Good. Honestly, I’d kiss you right now if we weren’t at work.”

“And I think I’d let you,” Rafael admits.

*******

That evening, Rafael opens his apartment door to find a slightly dishevelled Sonny on the other side, holding a fabric grocery bag in one hand. The detective is still dressed in his suit and a few pieces of his hair are falling loose across his forehead. Rafael thinks he looks unfairly gorgeous. “Hello, come on in. I’ve already got a bottle open.”

“Hey! You look great in that sweater. I finished later than I thought I would so I didn’t have time to go home and change into something else.”

Rafael beams at the compliment, pleased at his outfit choice. “Don’t worry about it, you look good.”

Rafael leads Sonny to the kitchen and watches with eager eyes as his date unpacks the bag. “So, what are you going to amaze me with this evening, detective?” 

“Penne arrabiata to start, simple to make and deliciously spicy.” Sonny replies with his back to Rafael as he arranges the ingredients on the counter. He turns around to face Rafael again and says with a cheeky grin, “Then I’ll amaze you in other ways later, if you want.”

Rafael’s face lights up at the flirtation, a familiar ground for them. “How about you kiss me right now, I recall you saying something about not wanting to wait?”

Sonny laughs in delight and crowds Rafael up against the wall of his kitchen. The detective presses himself close, one hand on Rafael’s hip and the other warm on his neck. They close their eyes and finally bring their lips together in a kiss that quickly becomes passionate, years of built up want pouring into each other. Rafael’s mouth opens to Sonny’s tongue, and when they taste each other they both groan.

They eventually separate to gasp for air, their eyes shining with adoration as they just stand there and look at each other. Both thinking, _fucking finally_ and _please more_ and _please don’t let this be just tonight_ and _I want to do this every day_ and _I love you._

When they can stand to take their hands off of each other, Sonny cooks and Rafael watches appreciatively as he sips on his glass of red wine. They share the meal and it is delicious, they talk and laugh together and Rafael finds himself thinking ‘you silly man, you could have had this a long time ago if you weren’t a coward’.

Later after their dishes have been cleared away and they are settled close together on Rafael’s sofa with more wine, Rafael finds the courage he has been looking for. “I’m glad you finally got us together like this, Sonny. I was too afraid of my feelings and of getting my heart hurt to ask you out like I wanted to, like I should have.”

“I understand completely. Are you still scared?” asks Sonny. 

“A little, love can be a scary thing,” answers Rafael honestly.

Sonny places a hand on Rafael’s thigh and shifts so he is even closer to him. “It’s a good kind of scary though, isn’t it?” he asks, voice lowering as he presses his lips teasingly on the curve of Rafael’s jaw. Rafael grabs Sonny by his hair and kisses him fiercely. Sonny moans obscenely and grips Rafael tighter, he wants to get as much of the other man as possible, wants to touch and taste him all over.

He groans when Rafael pulls back a little to breathe and ask him, “Do you want to stay the night?”

“Fuck yeah I do. You gonna take me to bed, Rafael?”

Rafael answers him by rising from the sofa and taking Sonny by his tie, pulling him up with him. Sonny follows him to his bedroom in stunned silence, too turned on to even form a coherent thought. 

They don’t say I love you that night. Not when Rafael takes Sonny in his mouth and Sonny breathes his name like a holy prayer. Not when Sonny has Rafael on his back, filling him up so perfectly and fucking him so good. Not when they come together, sweaty and sated and overflowing with hormones and emotions. No, they tell each other I love you in the morning. When they wake up together for the first time, when Rafael sees how beautiful Sonny looks in his bed and knows that he isn’t going anywhere. The man he loves is finally here with him, he is loved in return, and he is sure that his heart is safe.


End file.
